Missing Work | The Truth Of A Stay At Home Mum

I have made no secret about the fact that I don’t work anymore and even less of a secret that it was a financial motivation. It was hard to give up on Nursing. I worked my butt off to get that qualification in the first place and I guess I just thought I would always be a nurse. It wasn’t to be. After having Trix, our second child, we quickly realised that my salary was not enough to cover the cost of two children in childcare for a year. And yes, that included the 15 hours free that Ellie was entitled to. Nurses get paid jack s**t. Seriously they do! I have been a stay at home mum for 18 months now and, to tell the truth, I am really missing work.

The truth of not working as a stay at home mum and why I miss going to work

It was right for us

Hubby and I discussed our decision the other day and why it was the right one for us. With me at work doing 12-14 hour days he would have to be on hand to do the school runs. His work requires flexible travel. He could not have the job he has, the job that supports our family and pays all of the bills if he had to help out with the school run twice a week. We cannot support our family on my nurses wage. Not even close! So for that reason alone it has been the right decision.

One day

I don’t doubt Hubby would like some of the financial strain lifted from him alone but unless I find a job that is only ever within school hours then that can’t happen. One day I will work again. As the girls get older I am able to see the opportunity for available hours and I have started to think about other things I can do; baking my cakes, taking this blog to another level.

For now I am just trying to keep my brain busy. My brain likes to be busy. I like to learn, to develop. If my brain starts to relax then I start to get anxious. Instead of using my brain power productively it starts over thinking and analysing. I miss the mental stimulation work used to offer.


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I know I am lucky

Don’t get me wrong. I know how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my girls, I know I am lucky to be able to attend all of my daughters school shows and parents evenings. Next week her school is having a harvest festival celebration at the local church. Ellie has been practicing her songs every day at home, she is so excited. It is on Tuesday. I used to work Tuesdays. If I was still working I would not be able to go as there wasn’t enough notice for me to have booked it off. Of course I can go and I don’t have to spend my day at work feeling guilty that I have let my little girl down in some way.

I don’t have it worse than you

This isn’t meant to be a post of ‘I have it worse than you’, because I don’t. Working parents, be in part time or full time, have their own challenges and their own guilt to overcome. The thing is, people often think I have it better. They think it would be amazing to be able to stay home with the kids and not have to feel guilty about working and leaving them in childcare. Well it isn’t. I still feel guilty but about other things. I feel guilty that they don’t get the learning opportunities that childcare offers and I feel guilty that I am setting a bad example by not working. On top of that I can feel my brain turning to mush. My brain doesn’t get used like it used to, and as with anything that doesn’t get exercised, it gets tired and weary. My body is tired and weary. I am not the best version of me that I know I can be and a lot of that is from not working.

That is partly why I blog. There is only so much Netflix that can fill boredom. I needed a creative outlet, a place to exercise some form of thought beyond the four walls of the house. The bottom line is, if I had earned more as a nurse I would still be working.

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7 Comments

  1. October 5, 2017 / 1:49 pm

    I can completely understand this and it’s why I left work after maternity leave with Edith. We had no one to care for her and childcare would cost more than my wages. I took the leap into being self employed but I’m finding it harder as Edith gets older. She’s dropped her daytime nap (most days) so I find myself getting nothing done. I fell awful, like a failure because I’m not earning the money I used to but we have to enjoy this time with our children before it’s too late. Hopefully you can find something that works for you. Thanks for sharing this post it’s made me feel a lot less alone!

    #SharingTheBlogLove

  2. October 5, 2017 / 3:32 pm

    Oh please, do not feel guilty! I do not go to office either and sometimes feel like I am doing nothing all day long, but my husband turns me back to reality, reminding how much I do for the family by being responsible for the warmth of our place and for our children.

  3. October 6, 2017 / 1:54 pm

    Having been a stay at home mum I can totally understand this. It’s a choice, and can be a wonderful one at that but that doesn’t mean we don’t miss work when we’re not working. It’s a huge gap to fill after all. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

  4. October 6, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    We are incredibly privileged to be in a position to stay at home (and I know the financial strain that it has placed on my husband for 13 years!) but then as you say, actually it would have been impossible to return to work. It’s nuts isn’t it? #coolmumclub

  5. October 8, 2017 / 6:29 pm

    We are going to be in this same position when I finish this maternity leave. I’m self employed, and was doing two days a week while Max was at nursery, but I’d foolishly thought that once he qualified for his 15 hours, that the cost of his fees would be massively reduced. Turns out, for two days, we’re still forking out well over £400! So to cover two lots of nursery fees on an unpredictable income is just looking really difficult. I’ve loved the balance that I’ve had while Max has been little, and I know I’ll miss working, but it’s hard to justify it when it will cost you more than you’re earning! Like you, I’m lucky that my husband earns enough for us not to have to have me work, but it’s a ridiculous situation really. Nursery fees in this country are insane really – and even the wraparound care once they’re at school is still expensive! I’m grateful I have the blog – like you, I think it will give me that outlet that I need! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  6. October 10, 2017 / 1:13 pm

    We are in the exact same position. I gave up my job after having Holly as it was not financially viable for me to return. Holly will be at school next September, but I will need to find a job that works around school hours and holidays, not sure that job exists! I am thankful for my blog to help my brain ticking over. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  7. October 10, 2017 / 9:52 pm

    I’m in a similar situation – my youngest was two in August and I still haven’t gone back to work. I’m a teacher and similarly I would have been left with very little money at the end of the month after paying for childcare for both of them so it just wasn’t worth it in the end. Even when they are both at school we’ll probably have to get a childminder if I want to go back to teaching. And I feel the longer I stay away the harder it will be to go back. #SharingTheBlogLove

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