Since becoming a mum I have developed some very unexpected skills. If I’m honest I didn’t know what to expect at all. Perhaps to love them more than anything, which I do. Perhaps to have my priorities in life change, which they have. Other than that I was at a bit of a loss as to what was going to happen.
I’ve now been a Mum for three and a half years and in that time I have realised that being a mother comes with some very strange skills only a parent can understand. I’m not sure how many of these things are just Mummy skills and how many are Parenting skills.
- The ability to smell the girls’ dirty nappies at 10 paces: Pinky is toilet trained now so this no longer fully applies to her. I can smell if one of them has filled their nappy, oddly I can’t smell all dirty nappies, just Pinky and Perkys. I can also very accurately tell you which one has farted even if I didn’t hear them do it. They have distinctive smells… I have no other explanation for this.
- The ability to distinguish between a general ‘bang’ and a bump on the head without visual aid: There is a difference, I don’t know what it is but I can always tell the unmistakable thud of a childs’ head over the thud of something else falling down.
- The ability to open a packet of crisps ‘silently’ and then eat them all to myself: It’s ok you can marvel at this one… Heres my secret… It has taken a little practice but I open a lower kitchen cupboard door, very gently get my hands ready on the packet of crisps, poised to open. Then as I slam the door shut with one leg I open the crisps in one swift movement. Then to avoid detection I hide the packet in a top cupboard and slowly devour them whilst the girls have their backs turned. I shit you not I actually do this… What has my life become.
- I am a master negotiator with a speciality in bribery: To any parent against the idea of bribery you are probably reading the wrong blog. Come back for advice when your little one isn’t a baby anymore and you have discovered that you have become the type of parent you said you never would. I can bend the girls to my will using such professional negotiation skills I’m expecting the Specialist Police unit to be in touch soon. Perhaps MI5.
- The ability to creep around the house as silently as a Ninja: This is generally only necessary during the evening and nap time. Pinky often leaves her lamp on and falls asleep. Both girls are light sleepers and it is nearly impossible not to wake them up if you enter their rooms. Perky can sometimes wake up by you simply being outside of her room. Not a problem for Ninja Mummy!
- The ability to distinguish between the cat crying and Perky: This one may seem like an odd one but I know Hubby can’t do it and there was a time I really struggled. There is evidence that suggests cats make the high pitched noise of a baby to get our attention and it definitely works. Our cat is so good at it he sounds exactly like Perky. To the untrained ear of course.
- The ability to catch vomit in my hand with a split seconds notice: Come on mums we’ve all done it. And if you haven’t I guarantee your time will come! Even if you don’t mean to catch it, you will. It’s an inexplicable reflex of motherhood.
These are some of my main skills. Do you have any others you would add to the list?