My Unexpected Mummy Skills

Since becoming a mum I have developed some very unexpected skills.  If I’m honest I didn’t know what to expect at all.  Perhaps to love them more than anything, which I do.  Perhaps to have my priorities in life change, which they have.  Other than that I was at a bit of a loss as to what was going to happen.

I’ve now been a Mum for three and a half years and in that time I have realised that being a mother comes with some very strange skills only a parent can understand.  I’m not sure how many of these things are just Mummy skills and how many are Parenting skills.

  1. The ability to smell the girls’ dirty nappies at 10 paces: Pinky is toilet trained now so this no longer fully applies to her.  I can smell if one of them has filled their nappy, oddly I can’t smell all dirty nappies, just Pinky and Perkys.  I can also very accurately tell you which one has farted even if I didn’t hear them do it.  They have distinctive smells… I have no other explanation for this.
  2. The ability to distinguish between a general ‘bang’ and a bump on the head without visual aid: There is a difference, I don’t know what it is but I can always tell the unmistakable thud of a childs’ head over the thud of something else falling down.
  3. The ability to open a packet of crisps ‘silently’ and then eat them all to myself: It’s ok you can marvel at this one… Heres my secret… It has taken a little practice but I open a lower kitchen cupboard door, very gently get my hands ready on the packet of crisps, poised to open.  Then as I slam the door shut with one leg I open the crisps in one swift movement.  Then to avoid detection I hide the packet in a top cupboard and slowly devour them whilst the girls have their backs turned.  I shit you not I actually do this… What has my life become.
  4. I am a master negotiator with a speciality in bribery: To any parent against the idea of bribery you are probably reading the wrong blog.  Come back for advice when your little one isn’t a baby anymore and you have discovered that you have become the type of parent you said you never would.  I can bend the girls to my will using such professional negotiation skills I’m expecting the Specialist Police unit to be in touch soon.  Perhaps MI5.
  5. The ability to creep around the house as silently as a Ninja: This is generally only necessary during the evening and nap time.  Pinky often leaves her lamp on and falls asleep.  Both girls are light sleepers and it is nearly impossible not to wake them up if you enter their rooms.  Perky can sometimes wake up by you simply being outside of her room.  Not a problem for Ninja Mummy!
  6. The ability to distinguish between the cat crying and Perky:  This one may seem like an odd one but I know Hubby can’t do it and there was a time I really struggled.  There is evidence that suggests cats make the high pitched noise of a baby to get our attention and it definitely works.  Our cat is so good at it he sounds exactly like Perky.  To the untrained ear of course.
  7. The ability to catch vomit in my hand with a split seconds notice: Come on mums we’ve all done it.  And if you haven’t I guarantee your time will come! Even if you don’t mean to catch it, you will.  It’s an inexplicable reflex of motherhood.

These are some of my main skills.  Do you have any others you would add to the list?

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39 Comments

  1. October 26, 2016 / 12:33 pm

    Wow I need to work on my snacking skills, my girls can’t hear me tell them it’s bed time from 2 foot away but they can hear me open the biscuit tin from 2 rooms away! Major mummy skills there #bloggersclubuk

  2. October 26, 2016 / 1:55 pm

    I love this! Yes to the poo. Yes to the sick. Brilliant crisp eating trick. I salute you!
    Kimberly

  3. October 27, 2016 / 11:37 pm

    Haha thanks for the giggle. I’ve taken note of your silent crips opening skills! As for catching sick in two hands, I experienced this recently when both of mine had a tummy bug, but I’m still a novice at it. My daughter was sick in her cot and I’m proud to say that, by the 3rd time we had ran out of clean sheets, so the moment I heard her gagging I was in there like a Ninja (of course) and whisked her out in time to position her at an angle to avoid chucking up on the rug. We have superhuman powers us mums LOL! #bloggerclubuk

    • October 28, 2016 / 1:09 pm

      We really do have superhuman powers x

  4. October 29, 2016 / 9:34 am

    Ive not had to catch actual vomit yet but im a dab hand at catching baby milk.:) #fortheloveofblog

    • October 29, 2016 / 12:11 pm

      Hehe! Just wait, it will come x

  5. October 29, 2016 / 4:03 pm

    One of mine is being able to tell when my daughter is about to poop! This post gave me a giggle, thanks for sharing. #fortheloveofBLOG

  6. October 29, 2016 / 7:08 pm

    I find I can now tell their cries, as in ‘i’m fussing and want attention’ vs ‘i’m genuinely upset and need help’. It’s odd haha. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • October 29, 2016 / 7:14 pm

      Yeah thats a good skill! It takes time to learn and is definitely a mummy talent x

  7. October 30, 2016 / 6:26 am

    Yes, yes, yes! The crisp thing, the sick thing, the bumped head thing! It is amazing what skills we acquire as a mum. I’m proud of my ‘standing up in the boot of a car nappy changes’ and segueing away from embarrassing toddler comments! #KCACOL #fortheloveofBLOG

    • October 30, 2016 / 11:37 am

      We have some serious skills! Thanks for reading x

  8. October 30, 2016 / 2:21 pm

    I’m gonna try the snacking skills but with hubby, he is a fiend with snacking on crisps but I can’t stand his inexplicable loud eating! So I have to sneak my crisps so he won’t join me hahahaha!
    I must say I think I’ve perfected the puke catch, but at five months even purée foods prevents a projectile attack!
    #KCAKOLS

  9. October 30, 2016 / 3:15 pm

    I love this!! I need to improve my secret snacking skills, that is good work. I too can smell Holly’s nappy before she even enters the room. What have our life’s become???? X #KCACOLS

  10. October 30, 2016 / 4:16 pm

    Haha, yes I can relate to these. I’m more of a chocolate than crisps person though so at least that is easier to eat silently. Sadly my son is now learning to smell it on my breath when I come back from sneaking to the cupboard! #KCACOLS

  11. October 30, 2016 / 7:09 pm

    Love these. Totally relate to 1 at the moment. I’m a mum to a 9 month old and can smell her nappy anywhere!

    Thanks for linking up at #KCACOLS.
    Hope you join up again next Sunday.

  12. October 31, 2016 / 9:35 am

    just hilarious and yes to all of them but bribery and silent snack eating all the way!! Such a good read! #BigPinkLink

  13. thismumslife
    October 31, 2016 / 8:01 pm

    The very detailed description of how you open a packet of crisps without the children realising, was both genius, and made me laugh out loud!! I agree-seriously what has our lives become?! I need to seriously up my bribery skills-maybe I’ve done it to death, and the children no longer react to it appropriately!! Can you teach me some top notch bribery skills, to get my children to do as their told, JUST ONCE…!! I do have to say, that my initial reaction to sensing a vomit coming my way, is to jump out of the way…! I think I’d rather take the clean up hit, than have it in my hands!! Great skills mama, you should be proud!
    #bigpinklink

    • November 1, 2016 / 11:44 am

      Haha, yeah I would rather clean it up so why my instinct is to catch the vomit is beyond me! I’m glad you enjoyed it. x

  14. October 31, 2016 / 9:38 pm

    It’s an amazing set of skills (and yes I’m quite adept at moving around the house silently and getting my own snacks in peace!)

  15. October 31, 2016 / 10:42 pm

    Definitely the ninja creeping skills. I never knew I could move so quietly! That and the ability to sleep on the tiniest strip of bed with no quilt!! #kcacols

  16. November 1, 2016 / 4:46 pm

    I had to laugh at your crisp opening prowess. I too can open the biscuit tin, sneak one* out, and devour it all whilst pretending to be very busy doing important things at the kitchen sink, when actually I’m just gazing out of the window with my back to the tribe, chomping on jammy dodgers. 😉 #BigPinkLink x

    *several

  17. November 1, 2016 / 7:43 pm

    Hahaha the packet of crisps had me loling. I do the same thing but it’s a bag of oreos. Sometimes I hide in the bathroom and eat them so nobody else can have them (AKA my boyfriend) haha! I also love your ninja like skills closing the door and opening the bag at the same time, on top of your quiet ninja skills, AND being able to catch vomit in a seconds notice, ALL very ninja like. Basically you’re a ninja. This list is genius and I can relate to all points! Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #StayClassyMama!

    • November 1, 2016 / 7:54 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed reading it! x

  18. November 2, 2016 / 7:57 pm

    I have always been known for my terrible sense of smell so I am particularly proud of the poo detector nose I have acquired over the last few months. I’ve also got pretty good at reuniting socks, and tracking down their whereabouts around the house. #kcacols

    • November 2, 2016 / 8:18 pm

      Those are some seriously good sock skills! I am often loosing socks, they usually turn up but about 2 weeks later. I literally have no idea where they have been! Thank you for reading x

  19. November 4, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    Brilliant!! Love your super-nose Ninja style moves whilst snacking on crisps (it’s good to try Skips as you don’t have to munch loudly to enjoy them!) Bet all of these skills make you a badass mama. You rock. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • November 6, 2016 / 10:05 am

      Thanks lovely! I’m glad you enjoyed it! I actually hadn’t thought about the benefits of skips as a ‘silent’ crisp. That’s genius! x

      • November 6, 2016 / 10:08 am

        Learned that in a uni lecture when someone told me I was eating my crispy too loudly!!! Nothing comes between me and my crisps! X

  20. November 8, 2016 / 11:16 am

    I love the crisp move, that is very clever. My little one knows exactly when I’m eating something, and comes and begs at my feet, even though she doesn’t want to eat what I’m eating. I also agree with you on the creeping around the house, I know exactly where every floor board creak is, and how much pressure to put on each step. It’s amazing all these different skills we pick up once we become parents. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    • November 8, 2016 / 8:28 pm

      I think if I am honest I learnt how to find a creaky floor board in the night as a teenager 😉 but shhh! x

  21. November 8, 2016 / 9:52 pm

    Ha I love this – I am much the same, although how did you master the silent crisp eating…do tell! Thanks for linking up to #DreamTeam, apologies for the late commenting this week! xx

  22. November 10, 2016 / 12:01 pm

    Ha love the secret snacking techniques!! I once managed an entire Cornetto undetected while they were in the room – I know, skills right? I have to say discovering I had waaaaaaaaaay more patience than any human being should ever have to endure remains my biggest unexpected Mummy skill. #coolmumclub

    • November 11, 2016 / 12:20 pm

      Those are some serious skills! Yep way more patience than I ever thought I could have. There is never any left for anyone else though x x

  23. November 10, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    The ability to open a packet of crisps silently is key. As is the ability to sneak away all of the fizzy cola bottles out of the tangtastics 😉 #Coolmumclub

  24. November 11, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    So true! I’m so amazed still by the amazing ability to catch vom in hand at super hero speed! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    • November 11, 2016 / 12:26 pm

      It is definitely a skill unique to parents x

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