My Unexpected Mummy Skills

Since becoming a mum I have developed some very unexpected skills.  If I’m honest I didn’t know what to expect at all.  Perhaps to love them more than anything, which I do.  Perhaps to have my priorities in life change, which they have.  Other than that I was at a bit of a loss as to what was going to happen.

I’ve now been a Mum for three and a half years and in that time I have realised that being a mother comes with some very strange skills only a parent can understand.  I’m not sure how many of these things are just Mummy skills and how many are Parenting skills.

  1. The ability to smell the girls’ dirty nappies at 10 paces: Pinky is toilet trained now so this no longer fully applies to her.  I can smell if one of them has filled their nappy, oddly I can’t smell all dirty nappies, just Pinky and Perkys.  I can also very accurately tell you which one has farted even if I didn’t hear them do it.  They have distinctive smells… I have no other explanation for this.
  2. The ability to distinguish between a general ‘bang’ and a bump on the head without visual aid: There is a difference, I don’t know what it is but I can always tell the unmistakable thud of a childs’ head over the thud of something else falling down.
  3. The ability to open a packet of crisps ‘silently’ and then eat them all to myself: It’s ok you can marvel at this one… Heres my secret… It has taken a little practice but I open a lower kitchen cupboard door, very gently get my hands ready on the packet of crisps, poised to open.  Then as I slam the door shut with one leg I open the crisps in one swift movement.  Then to avoid detection I hide the packet in a top cupboard and slowly devour them whilst the girls have their backs turned.  I shit you not I actually do this… What has my life become.
  4. I am a master negotiator with a speciality in bribery: To any parent against the idea of bribery you are probably reading the wrong blog.  Come back for advice when your little one isn’t a baby anymore and you have discovered that you have become the type of parent you said you never would.  I can bend the girls to my will using such professional negotiation skills I’m expecting the Specialist Police unit to be in touch soon.  Perhaps MI5.
  5. The ability to creep around the house as silently as a Ninja: This is generally only necessary during the evening and nap time.  Pinky often leaves her lamp on and falls asleep.  Both girls are light sleepers and it is nearly impossible not to wake them up if you enter their rooms.  Perky can sometimes wake up by you simply being outside of her room.  Not a problem for Ninja Mummy!
  6. The ability to distinguish between the cat crying and Perky:  This one may seem like an odd one but I know Hubby can’t do it and there was a time I really struggled.  There is evidence that suggests cats make the high pitched noise of a baby to get our attention and it definitely works.  Our cat is so good at it he sounds exactly like Perky.  To the untrained ear of course.
  7. The ability to catch vomit in my hand with a split seconds notice: Come on mums we’ve all done it.  And if you haven’t I guarantee your time will come! Even if you don’t mean to catch it, you will.  It’s an inexplicable reflex of motherhood.

These are some of my main skills.  Do you have any others you would add to the list?

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  1. Wow I need to work on my snacking skills, my girls can’t hear me tell them it’s bed time from 2 foot away but they can hear me open the biscuit tin from 2 rooms away! Major mummy skills there #bloggersclubuk

  2. Haha thanks for the giggle. I’ve taken note of your silent crips opening skills! As for catching sick in two hands, I experienced this recently when both of mine had a tummy bug, but I’m still a novice at it. My daughter was sick in her cot and I’m proud to say that, by the 3rd time we had ran out of clean sheets, so the moment I heard her gagging I was in there like a Ninja (of course) and whisked her out in time to position her at an angle to avoid chucking up on the rug. We have superhuman powers us mums LOL! #bloggerclubuk

  3. Yes, yes, yes! The crisp thing, the sick thing, the bumped head thing! It is amazing what skills we acquire as a mum. I’m proud of my ‘standing up in the boot of a car nappy changes’ and segueing away from embarrassing toddler comments! #KCACOL #fortheloveofBLOG

  4. I’m gonna try the snacking skills but with hubby, he is a fiend with snacking on crisps but I can’t stand his inexplicable loud eating! So I have to sneak my crisps so he won’t join me hahahaha!
    I must say I think I’ve perfected the puke catch, but at five months even purée foods prevents a projectile attack!

  5. Haha, yes I can relate to these. I’m more of a chocolate than crisps person though so at least that is easier to eat silently. Sadly my son is now learning to smell it on my breath when I come back from sneaking to the cupboard! #KCACOLS

  6. Love these. Totally relate to 1 at the moment. I’m a mum to a 9 month old and can smell her nappy anywhere!

    Thanks for linking up at #KCACOLS.
    Hope you join up again next Sunday.

  7. The very detailed description of how you open a packet of crisps without the children realising, was both genius, and made me laugh out loud!! I agree-seriously what has our lives become?! I need to seriously up my bribery skills-maybe I’ve done it to death, and the children no longer react to it appropriately!! Can you teach me some top notch bribery skills, to get my children to do as their told, JUST ONCE…!! I do have to say, that my initial reaction to sensing a vomit coming my way, is to jump out of the way…! I think I’d rather take the clean up hit, than have it in my hands!! Great skills mama, you should be proud!

  8. I had to laugh at your crisp opening prowess. I too can open the biscuit tin, sneak one* out, and devour it all whilst pretending to be very busy doing important things at the kitchen sink, when actually I’m just gazing out of the window with my back to the tribe, chomping on jammy dodgers. 😉 #BigPinkLink x


  9. Hahaha the packet of crisps had me loling. I do the same thing but it’s a bag of oreos. Sometimes I hide in the bathroom and eat them so nobody else can have them (AKA my boyfriend) haha! I also love your ninja like skills closing the door and opening the bag at the same time, on top of your quiet ninja skills, AND being able to catch vomit in a seconds notice, ALL very ninja like. Basically you’re a ninja. This list is genius and I can relate to all points! Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #StayClassyMama!

  10. I have always been known for my terrible sense of smell so I am particularly proud of the poo detector nose I have acquired over the last few months. I’ve also got pretty good at reuniting socks, and tracking down their whereabouts around the house. #kcacols

    1. Those are some seriously good sock skills! I am often loosing socks, they usually turn up but about 2 weeks later. I literally have no idea where they have been! Thank you for reading x

  11. Brilliant!! Love your super-nose Ninja style moves whilst snacking on crisps (it’s good to try Skips as you don’t have to munch loudly to enjoy them!) Bet all of these skills make you a badass mama. You rock. #fortheloveofBLOG

  12. I love the crisp move, that is very clever. My little one knows exactly when I’m eating something, and comes and begs at my feet, even though she doesn’t want to eat what I’m eating. I also agree with you on the creeping around the house, I know exactly where every floor board creak is, and how much pressure to put on each step. It’s amazing all these different skills we pick up once we become parents. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  13. Ha I love this – I am much the same, although how did you master the silent crisp eating…do tell! Thanks for linking up to #DreamTeam, apologies for the late commenting this week! xx

  14. Ha love the secret snacking techniques!! I once managed an entire Cornetto undetected while they were in the room – I know, skills right? I have to say discovering I had waaaaaaaaaay more patience than any human being should ever have to endure remains my biggest unexpected Mummy skill. #coolmumclub

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