Rocking Motherhood Tag

I was recently tagged by Care Johnson and Emma from Me and B Make Tea to complete the #RockingMotherhood tag and I was more than happy to partake. Thank you so much for the tag, I really appreciate it. The idea of this to think of ten ways that you rock as a mother. It was created by Patricia at White Camellias as a way of celebrating ourselves and to try and dull that inner critic.

I am expecting this to a be a hard post to write as no one can be harder on me as I can myself, however I am looking forward to quietening that inner ‘you are a rubbish mum’ monologue.

#1 I am very patient with the girls

I suspect as an ex nurse most people assume I would be naturally patient but that simply isn’t the case. I am one of the most impatient people I know and I do not suffer fools and backstabber lightly! That said when it comes to the girls I do show an extreme amount of patience even when being screamed at for no apparent reason. Yes I still loose my s**t but nowhere near as much I could or perhaps should.

#2 They KNOW I love them

I tell them daily hourly that I love them, I really do and I mean it every time (obvs). Even if I have been cross 10 minutes before they know that I have let it go (I know you just sang that, go on admit it) and all is ok again.

#3 I let them fight it out between themselves

This may be an odd one for some people and sometimes when Ellie and Trix start fighting I intervene and referee very quickly, some days I simply don’t want to hear it. But mostly I am very good at letting them resolve the conflict themselves. I think it is good for them to learn to do this; I won’t always be around to fight battles for them and who better to learn with than your sister?

#4 I make them feel safe

This is something I have only really appreciated because they are now both at an age where they don’t always have to hold my hand walking, be perched on my hip or be confined to a pushchair. If something spooks them or makes them feel uncomfortable or vulnerable I am able to make them feel safe simply by holding their hand nice and tight. This leads me onto my next one…

#5 I don’t need them to need me

In recent months I am not always the first person either of them will go to for comfort. Sometimes the turn to each other. This is particularly the case for Trixie, she often turns to Ellie for comfort and support and Ellie will always oblige. I do not interfere with this, I do not feel left out or rejected. I hope in years to come this bond will only grow stronger.

#6 I always put their needs first

I know this sounds like a cop out but it isn’t supposed to be. This is something I think we all underappreciate as parents because of course we put the children’s needs first. I am referring to those days where you have simply had enough but you answer their unending questions anyway. The days where you can’t hold back the tears anymore but you hide yourself away so they can’t see the anguish on your face. They days where you think you are being selfish by hiding in the toilet with the door locked for five minutes to get a few moments without being poked and prodded before you loose your temper. Those days are the days we all put our children’s needs ahead of our own.

#7 I let them make choices

For as long as I can remember I have let Ellie have a choice for lunch and dinner. I menu plan now but I still let her put in a request for a couple of dinners that week. She decides what she wears and what clothes we buy for her. I narrow the available selection for her and she has the final say. Much of this is to avoid unnecessary tantrums but I hope it also shows her the value of her opinion and the consequences of her choices, both good and bad.

#8 I am not afraid to say ‘No’

I’m sure I am not the only parent in the world who says no to their children but I have seen many who bow down to every wish and whim. The girl’s need for nothing but sometimes they are left wanting. I can find this hard sometimes because I know how much they would love a giant bouncy princess castle for the garden but they are not going to come to any harm by being denied things. The thing I refuse them most commonly is snacks. Well, more snacks to be precise. If I let them they would both snack all day long and not eat a rounded meal. Although this will usually always cause a tantrum I stick to ‘no’.

#9 I take some ‘me’ time

Not everyone will agree that this makes for a good mum but I know in my case if I didn’t have any time for myself I would be a dreadful mother. I don’t take time every day or every week but I make sure I take time away from them when I do need it. Hubby can usually sense I am reaching my peak of tolerance and will take them out for a couple of hours one weekend before I hit rock bottom.

#10 I do my best

My best may not be good enough for some people but I am not in the habit of comparing myself to others so I don’t really care. I do the best I can and I can do no more. I am the mother the girls need me to be and I that is enough for them. They are happy and healthy, that is a direct result of my parenting and it is not something I want to underappreciate any more.

Well…. Quite simply I have loved writing this post. I got to number 5 and started to struggle but it has been very cathartic to find the positives in the every day parenting I do.

Here are the rules of the #RockingMotherhood Tag

  1. Thank the blogger that tagged you and link to their blog.
  2. List 10 things you believe make you a good mother (this is just a guideline. It can be more or less than 10. I really don’t mind.
  3. Tag 3 – 5 bloggers to join in the #RockingMotherhood Tag.
  4. Grab the #RockingMotherhood badge and add it to your post or sidebar.

I tag:

Hannah from The Diary Of An ‘Ordinary’ Mum

Cathryn from Little Paper Swans

Sinéad from Shinners and the Brood

Please tweet me and I will retweet. You can also tweet @whitecamellias and she will also retweet.

I hope you enjoy writing this as much as I did.

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

95 comments

  1. What a lovely tag. Great way of reminding yourself why you rock as a Kirsty as well as a mama. Lots of good tips here too. Now Toddler Munch is a bit bigger I need to let her make more choices!

  2. Ellie and Trixie! Pinkie and perky revealed LOL. What a lovely post and they are very lucky ladies indeed to have such a caring and loving mother. We’ve all been there in the loo trying to calm down for 5 minutes. Makes us human! I also need time out now and again other use I can give no more and reach boiling point. I’d say I’m a ‘sociable introvert’ so while I love being with people, I definitely need to retreat into a hole on my own to get my strength back. I’m also on the snack clampdown. You can cry… mummy knows best sometimes. C’est comme ça!

    1. Hehe! Yeah we decided it was time their names came out. I was starting to struggle with Pinky and Perky. Social Introvert is probably the best description I have ever come across, that is definitely what I am too.At least I am not the only one Xxx

  3. This is such a lovely, positive post! As mothers I think we are all guilty of being hard on ourselves and this tag is a great way of focusing on the good. You sound fab. #KCACOLS

    1. You are quite right, I think it is hard to stick to my guns sometimes but I hope it gives them a good foundation in the long run x

  4. You are definitely rocking it. Letting them sort it out between themselves definitely seems like a good way to go. My wife already lets Snappy make choices even though he’s only five months old #kcacols

    1. I think learning to make choices is such a good thing, we are faced with so many of them in life we may as well start at 5 months old, good for your wife (and you I am sure) X

    1. Thank you! I think they need to learn to resolve things on their own, siblings are such useful tools to learn social skills, I would hate to take that away from them X

    1. Thank you lovely, I look forward to reading yours. I recommend writing it, it was such a lovely way to let go of some of the mum guilt X

  5. My 17 year old son gave me the best compliment the other evening. He told me that he loves that I always do what I believe in and that I never give up, no matter how hard it is. It was a lovely thing to hear and it makes me think that I must be rocking motherhood! #KCACOLS

    1. Thats such a lovely thing to say! To be honest I could give you the exact same compliment from your Instagram too. Your two are so lovely, always smiling, in fact your whole feed is a little window of happiness X

  6. I envy you your patience. I don’t think I lose my cool on the outside too often, but the inside is a whole other matter. I have been working on that but still a way to go. I agree with your views on saying no. Of course Peachy is only 1 so I have to say no for her own safety. She still loses her mind when I won’t let her have whatever she wants. She makes it very clear that in her mind, what Peachy wants Peachy gets. #KCACOLS

    1. Saying no will hold so many benefits in the long run. The patience will come because it has too, all too many times I have made a tantrum worse because I didn’t give a little patience. We can only do our best X

  7. This is a great tag! I particularly liked “I don’t need them to need me”, it’s an important balance that they can find comfort in others and yet know you are always there, something I hope to pass on to my daughter too. #KCACOLS

  8. Another great instalment in this tag, I think as mothers we spend far too much time focussed on what we might be doing wrong instead of celebrating all the things we do right, that’s what makes this tag so great x
    #KCACOLS

  9. It can be hard to think of the reasons why we are good at something, we so often chastise ourselves for being rubbish and forget to remember the good. I know that I scream at my kids too much, but I also know that I will move heaven and earth for them to be able to pursue their dreams and I’m great at taking them on days out! #KCACOLS

  10. Great tag! I love the letting them fight it out between themselves, this will be helpful at school where kids are so quick to ‘tell’ on each other without trying to resolve anything themselves.

  11. What a lovely tag. Reminding ourselves that we’re doing okay and encouraging each other as mums is really important. It’s so easy to get discouraged

  12. Maybe it’s just cos I don’t have children but I’ve not seen one of these posts before but they’re really good. I see my friends with kids comparing themselves to the stories people (other mums) tell about their lives on facebook and feeling inadequate when they’re absolutely brilliant mothers! No disrespect to my own mum, because she is and was brilliant, but when we were little, her main priority was everyone being up, dressed, clean(ish!) and fed each day. Mums today now need to be achieving X, Y and Z and I just think it’s tough enough without that extra pressure people have piled on to keep up with the best bits of other peoples lives. #KCACOLS

    1. You are so right, things change for each generation and we all have to adapt to our own pressures. Thank you for your lovely comment X

  13. Omg- some days all I say is ‘no’!! I know what you mean about giving choices to avoid tantrums but totally agree that it also has the benefit of teaching their choices have consequences! #KCACOLS

  14. I love this post. I have three girls who are all tweens and teens now and I found it very hard to let them fight it out. I went wading in like the United Nations peace keeping force every time. Eventually I learnt that it just doesn’t work and left them to it! #KCACOLS

    1. Haha! That is exactly what I feel like sometimes. I have discovered that the fight is actually over quicker if I don’t intervene X

  15. This is such a lovely positive tag! I think your point about not needing them to need you is such a good one – so many parents seem to desperately want their children to be dependent on them, and continue that into adulthood. I think it’s good that children can seek comfort and help independently from you – obviously while they’re little they’re bound to be dependent on you, but it’s natural that that should lessen as they grow up. #KCACOLS

    1. Absolutely! I hope they can feel comfortable spreading their wings as they get older and have the confidence to do what they want to do X

  16. You are definitely rocking motherhood. I especially like points 9 and 10. I think having me time is perfect and helps you to be the mum you are. This has reminded me I need to do mine, as I’ve been tagged twice now.x #kcacols

  17. Really lovely post. I think we could all do with calming the inner critic! Today I feel like all I have done is say no. I say no she does it on purpose again! NOOOOOO! You sound like a great Mummy with happy little girls, well done! #KCACOLS

  18. Great tag and I enjoyed reading your answers. I also think it is important to have me time, as a mum we often need that bit of time out ourselves.
    Mainy
    #KCACOLS

  19. You are definitely rocking motherhood. The one about not needing them to need you is especially good. It’s hard to step back in that way as a mum. It sounds like you’re striking a great balance of being there for them and allowing them independence. #kcacols

  20. I like seeing that you let the girls work out their problems themselves. I have 4-year-old boy/girl twins and more and more I am finding myself remaining silent when they start arguing. I’ve told them to first try to correct the problem on their own (tell the other person to stop whatever annoying thing they’re doing), and if the other person is not at all agreeable to stopping, only THEN are you allowed to invoke Mom’s name. I may be kidding myself, but I think that they are getting better at resolving conflict…..I hope!
    #KCACOLS

  21. I love this tag as it lets mums remind themselves how well they are doing. we all know how tough it can be at times and this shows that you are brilliant!
    I’m also a firm believer that children should not need me. I’m happy if they come to me for comfort, but I want Ben to be able to go to his Dad or his Nan, especially as she looks after him whilst I work. I dont want it to get to the point that im the only one who can console him when required.
    Your girls are gorgeous by the way!! Must take after their mummy =] #KCACOLS

    1. HAHA! That was a lovely compliment… They don’t! I agree with you, you can’t be there all the time so it is important their emotional needs don’t completely depend on you X

  22. Such a fab post! I couldn’t agree more that me time makes for a good mommy! After a little time to myself I always come back refreshed and ready to give 110%. Parenting is tough, it’s all about finding the balance and doing your best! #KCACOLS

  23. Love love love this! Especially your #3 with letting them fight it out (builds character) and #9 having me time in order to be a better mom. I love the idea of focusing on what makes us good mom’s bc so often we can let our day to day get the best of us. Great job on this post and you certainly are rocking motherhood! #KCACOLS

    1. Thank you! I am feeling the build up at the moment so I am really pleased I have an afternoon to myself planned this weekend. Refreshing like that just helps me be more patient and understanding to the girls needs X

  24. I love this tag even though I have it sat in my to do list for lack of inspiration. This is a lovely post to read…you sound fab and honest and I definitely meet you on a few points. Eeek the no to snack tantrums…EVERY day! Oh and definitely agree that sister is a good place to practice disagreements…I hadn’t thought about that clearly before but it’s so true and my sister was one if the very best arguers ever. My mental agility needed to be sky high to compete! #kcacols

    1. Hehe! Yep siblings are so useful for that when you are little. You should write yours, it was a great way to let go of some of the mum guilt X

  25. I’ve loved reading the Rocking Motherhood tags. It’s a lovely idea to think of the positives in parenting, even when we have a very strong inner critic voice. I’d find it hard to write too, but I’m glad you did as it was lovely to read. #KCACOLS

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