I was recently tagged by Care Johnson and Emma from Me and B Make Tea to complete the #RockingMotherhood tag and I was more than happy to partake. Thank you so much for the tag, I really appreciate it. The idea of this to think of ten ways that you rock as a mother. It was created by Patricia at White Camellias as a way of celebrating ourselves and to try and dull that inner critic.
I am expecting this to a be a hard post to write as no one can be harder on me as I can myself, however I am looking forward to quietening that inner ‘you are a rubbish mum’ monologue.
#1 I am very patient with the girls
I suspect as an ex nurse most people assume I would be naturally patient but that simply isn’t the case. I am one of the most impatient people I know and I do not suffer fools and backstabber lightly! That said when it comes to the girls I do show an extreme amount of patience even when being screamed at for no apparent reason. Yes I still loose my s**t but nowhere near as much I could or perhaps should.
#2 They KNOW I love them
I tell them daily hourly that I love them, I really do and I mean it every time (obvs). Even if I have been cross 10 minutes before they know that I have let it go (I know you just sang that, go on admit it) and all is ok again.
#3 I let them fight it out between themselves
This may be an odd one for some people and sometimes when Ellie and Trix start fighting I intervene and referee very quickly, some days I simply don’t want to hear it. But mostly I am very good at letting them resolve the conflict themselves. I think it is good for them to learn to do this; I won’t always be around to fight battles for them and who better to learn with than your sister?
#4 I make them feel safe
This is something I have only really appreciated because they are now both at an age where they don’t always have to hold my hand walking, be perched on my hip or be confined to a pushchair. If something spooks them or makes them feel uncomfortable or vulnerable I am able to make them feel safe simply by holding their hand nice and tight. This leads me onto my next one…
#5 I don’t need them to need me
In recent months I am not always the first person either of them will go to for comfort. Sometimes the turn to each other. This is particularly the case for Trixie, she often turns to Ellie for comfort and support and Ellie will always oblige. I do not interfere with this, I do not feel left out or rejected. I hope in years to come this bond will only grow stronger.
#6 I always put their needs first
I know this sounds like a cop out but it isn’t supposed to be. This is something I think we all underappreciate as parents because of course we put the children’s needs first. I am referring to those days where you have simply had enough but you answer their unending questions anyway. The days where you can’t hold back the tears anymore but you hide yourself away so they can’t see the anguish on your face. They days where you think you are being selfish by hiding in the toilet with the door locked for five minutes to get a few moments without being poked and prodded before you loose your temper. Those days are the days we all put our children’s needs ahead of our own.
#7 I let them make choices
For as long as I can remember I have let Ellie have a choice for lunch and dinner. I menu plan now but I still let her put in a request for a couple of dinners that week. She decides what she wears and what clothes we buy for her. I narrow the available selection for her and she has the final say. Much of this is to avoid unnecessary tantrums but I hope it also shows her the value of her opinion and the consequences of her choices, both good and bad.
#8 I am not afraid to say ‘No’
I’m sure I am not the only parent in the world who says no to their children but I have seen many who bow down to every wish and whim. The girl’s need for nothing but sometimes they are left wanting. I can find this hard sometimes because I know how much they would love a giant bouncy princess castle for the garden but they are not going to come to any harm by being denied things. The thing I refuse them most commonly is snacks. Well, more snacks to be precise. If I let them they would both snack all day long and not eat a rounded meal. Although this will usually always cause a tantrum I stick to ‘no’.
#9 I take some ‘me’ time
Not everyone will agree that this makes for a good mum but I know in my case if I didn’t have any time for myself I would be a dreadful mother. I don’t take time every day or every week but I make sure I take time away from them when I do need it. Hubby can usually sense I am reaching my peak of tolerance and will take them out for a couple of hours one weekend before I hit rock bottom.
#10 I do my best
My best may not be good enough for some people but I am not in the habit of comparing myself to others so I don’t really care. I do the best I can and I can do no more. I am the mother the girls need me to be and I that is enough for them. They are happy and healthy, that is a direct result of my parenting and it is not something I want to underappreciate any more.
Well…. Quite simply I have loved writing this post. I got to number 5 and started to struggle but it has been very cathartic to find the positives in the every day parenting I do.
Here are the rules of the #RockingMotherhood Tag
- Thank the blogger that tagged you and link to their blog.
- List 10 things you believe make you a good mother (this is just a guideline. It can be more or less than 10. I really don’t mind.
- Tag 3 – 5 bloggers to join in the #RockingMotherhood Tag.
- Grab the #RockingMotherhood badge and add it to your post or sidebar.
Hannah from The Diary Of An ‘Ordinary’ Mum
Cathryn from Little Paper Swans
Sinéad from Shinners and the Brood
Please tweet me and I will retweet. You can also tweet @whitecamellias and she will also retweet.
I hope you enjoy writing this as much as I did.