The A-Z of Parenthood

A is for Appetite: How on earth can someone so little eat so much?

B is for Bribery: See my Parenting Bribery 101 for more details, in summary this is the daily saviour.

C is for Curiosity: Be prepared to answer an average of 8586 questions per day.  Kids are really curious, have google at the ready, a half arsed answer will not suffice.

D is for Danger: There is danger literally everywhere.  This is worse as a first time mum.

E is for Elocution: Kids may be able to talk but their pronunciation leaves much to be desired.  Prepare for some hilarious moments (hopefully not in public).  For my niece socks are co*ks apparently.  Can anyone find another hilariously rude slant on this one? Or is it just me with a mind in the gutter?

F is for Farts: Call them what you will, they are ‘Botty Pops’ in our house, Kids find them hilarious, always.  The louder the better, they have no sense of embarrassment.

G is for Grey:  Parenthood bought with it the first of many grey hairs! Oh and eyebrows… fml.

H is for Hair Washing: Who knew such an innocuous part of washing could be such a drama?

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I is for Imagination: Kids have the most vivid imagination.  Sometimes, just to keep you on your toes, they will balance this with being the most literal people around.

J is for Jealousy: Kids seem to have a large amount of jealousy.  Cuddles given to Hubby, Toddler needs cuddles too.  Sibling has something, Toddler needs something too.  They simply cannot bare to feel left out.

K is for Kisses: Give them lots and lots of kisses.  They won’t let you for long and who doesn’t like to know they are loved?

L is for Love:  One of the most amazing parts of being a parent is the love you feel and receive in return, it is absolutely indescribable.

M is for Mother: It doesn’t matter if you are a Mum or a Dad your own Mother will suddenly make so much more sense to you.  Be prepared to apologise for your past indiscretions.

N is for Normal: Whatever you used to think was normal will be different as a parent.  Accept it and embrace it the new normal.

O is for Organisation: Not everyone is naturally organised, if you aren’t then get organised.  It will help no end.

P is for Poo:  There is no greater expert in the types, colours and consistencies of poo than a parent.

Q is for Quiet:  Say goodbye to the quiet.  You will spend all day craving it and then when the little ones are in bed asleep you will miss them and their noise.  Plus everyone who owns a toddler knows silence is dangerous not golden.

R is for Repetitive: Nothing can be done once. Everything you do or say that involves the toddler will be repeated over and over and over….

S is for Snot:  Children just seem to have a constant stream of snot! Even in the summer!

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T is for Tears:  There will be lots and lots of tears, unfortunately it will probably be at a 50:50 ratio between yours and the childs.

U is for Ups:  There are so many downs in parenthood, often due to lack of sleep and short fuses, it is important to appreciate and savour the ‘Ups’ when they come.

V is for Volume:  Kids seem to need everything in large volume.  Nappies, snacks, toys, clothes, you name it there will be lots of it!

W is for Waistline:  Say goodbye to it! Mums and Dads!  I’m not saying forever, of course if you put it a ridiculous amount of effort you can probably get close to a pre-child waistline.  But don’t try too hard because even if you achieve it you will suddenly realise your arse has sagged 3 inches! (I speak from experience)

X is for Xylophone:  Why on earth is this noisy toy available and aimed at toddlers? Seriously! Also if they drop the sodding thing on my foot one more time I’m going to find the person who made it and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.

Y is for Yelling:  You will do your best not to yell.  Every fibre of your being will go into not yelling.  At some point you will break and you will yell.  It may not be at the child, it may not be at your partner, but you will yell.  Chin up! Move on! It happens to the best of us.

Z is for Zzzzz’s of Sleep:  Never again will you get into a decent deep sleep, it’s simply part of being a parent.  You will sleep, but you will always sleep with one ear open.

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37 Comments

    • November 7, 2016 / 1:42 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading x

  1. katyclark345
    November 7, 2016 / 3:12 pm

    I love this! I think you should submit it to Scary Mommy, see if they’re interested in running it. 🙂

    #globalblogging

    • November 7, 2016 / 3:29 pm

      What a lovely idea! Thank you xx

  2. November 7, 2016 / 5:16 pm

    I love this. I can relate to most of them. Although, my ‘Manipulation’ which my little one is getting down to a fine art. #globalblogging

    • November 7, 2016 / 5:17 pm

      Eurgh, I can’t type! That should have said my ‘M’ would be manipulation.

  3. November 7, 2016 / 7:48 pm

    The hair washing one always confounded me. I loved washing my hair as a child and having my mom comb it afterwards. #bigpinklink

  4. November 7, 2016 / 9:11 pm

    Lovely post! My favourite was the W. Harsh reality of parenting! Xxx

  5. November 7, 2016 / 9:45 pm

    This is absolutely brilliant! What IS it with the hair washing? Seriously?? And I have also felt new deep sympathy for my mother! Thanks for linking up with the #bigpinklink

  6. November 7, 2016 / 10:46 pm

    I love the never ending questions of children, they really are so curious but the snot! Where does it all come from?

  7. Alana - Burnished Chaos
    November 8, 2016 / 7:59 pm

    Great post. I recently apologised to my parents for being so pedantic as a child, my son is the same and it is driving me up the wall!
    #Bigpinklink

    • November 8, 2016 / 8:31 pm

      Hehe! Yeah I have done the same thing! Thank you for reading x

  8. November 8, 2016 / 9:08 pm

    I love this post Kirsty and can relate to so many of your A-Zs. Hair washing happens every 3 weeks now as it’s just too painful for everyone. Seriously, I’m surprised no-one has called child services yet. I always have hankies up my sleeve (and remnants of them in my washing machine) from constantly wiping snot. I love E for Elocution and we shouldn’t get our girls together. Gabriella speaks French so shouts COQ whenever she sees a rooster and FOQUE for sea lion. We’ve got no hope LOL #globalblogging

    • November 11, 2016 / 12:23 pm

      In her defence she is speaking in french… You can’t help they their language has some rude sounding words to a british ear. Of course that won’t help the inevitable embarassment whilst out in public 😉 xx

  9. November 10, 2016 / 12:21 am

    As the parent of a nearly nine month old I guess I have a lot of these to look forward to!

    I can however relate to poo, snot and in particular farts. However in my house it’s me that finds them hilarious, the baby has no clue why I’m laughing at him!

    #bigpinklink

  10. November 10, 2016 / 8:34 am

    Loved this! Do NOT get me started on the washing of the hair. My son sees it as some sort of torture. #stayclassy

  11. November 10, 2016 / 1:09 pm

    Ah the pre-child waistline! I’ve given up on it, haha!

    #stayclassymama

  12. November 10, 2016 / 7:59 pm

    For elocution- my sister took months to realise that what my niece meant by ‘pube’ was open!

    • November 11, 2016 / 12:19 pm

      HAHAHAHA! Thats a good one! x

  13. November 11, 2016 / 10:05 am

    Wow this is an impressive list, and I agree with all of it! The quiet gets me though – I never thought I could possibly crave something quite so much! #SharingtheBlogLove

    • November 11, 2016 / 12:25 pm

      I know me too! Thank you for reading xx

  14. November 11, 2016 / 11:53 am

    Ah brilliant! LOL I had to laugh at bribery & snot…a truly honest list here indeed! Organization is a key one for sure!! Thank you for sharing with us at #BloggerClubUK x

    • November 11, 2016 / 12:25 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’d be lost if I wasn’t organised x

  15. November 11, 2016 / 7:10 pm

    I loved reading this post, I chuckled so much, so very true x

  16. November 12, 2016 / 2:47 am

    Oh yep J for jealousy is one we are dealing with at the mo! Our boy is such a little green monster – always has to sit in the middle of this and sometimes shouts when we are talking. Drives me nuts! #stayclassymama

    • November 12, 2016 / 2:56 pm

      Oh we had that stage! I had blocked that from my memory! What a nightmare x

  17. November 13, 2016 / 1:07 am

    Brilliant!!! E is for Elocution!!! That must of given you the giggles! Thanks for sharing with #globalblogging

  18. November 13, 2016 / 3:01 pm

    Great list – it’s so right! I get so fed-up with chasing my toddler round with a tissue before the snot ends up on some washing or the sofa; I usually fail I think an addition S you could add is ‘stealth’. You really do learn how to sneak up and catch them off guard to wipe noses, apply cream or get your phone back! #fortheloveofBLOG

  19. November 13, 2016 / 9:04 pm

    Love this! I think the sleeping one really resonates with me at the moment, seems to be my battle every week! I can’t wait until my son gets older and is able to express his feelings with actual words. The snot thing is also an issue in my house, he absolutely hates when I wipe his nose, cries without fail. Who would’ve thought that would be such a big deal! Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #GlobalBlogging!

    • November 15, 2016 / 2:09 pm

      I’m glad you enjoyed it X

  20. November 14, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    Oh, the snot – no-one warned me about the snot! It doesn’t matter if he’s got a cold or not, the snot is constant! And my mum tells me that the farting is a boy thing (she had two girls) – I knew she was making that up!! I do seem to remember I hated having my hair washed too – I love it now! Thanks for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • November 15, 2016 / 2:08 pm

      Hehe! Yeah farting isn’t just a boy thing, although I think girls outgrow it quicker. Well I’m not sure boys ever outgrow it… *pointing an accusatory finger at Hubby*

  21. November 15, 2016 / 10:04 pm

    This is great! I didn’t experience the snot thing until Holly came along and boy it doesn’t stop! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove x

    • November 16, 2016 / 8:10 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it… We are plunging head first into another snotmagedon this week!

  22. November 18, 2016 / 4:58 pm

    Fab post, I loved reading this. I completely agree with you on point “P” and think I am also an expert in that field. I hope that my daughter understand eventually what a cuddle and kiss is, I’m trying to educate her but she’s not quite cottoned on yet. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    • November 19, 2016 / 2:38 pm

      Hehe! I’m glad you enjoyed reading it X

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