A is for Appetite: How on earth can someone so little eat so much?
B is for Bribery: See my Parenting Bribery 101 for more details, in summary this is the daily saviour.
C is for Curiosity: Be prepared to answer an average of 8586 questions per day. Kids are really curious, have google at the ready, a half arsed answer will not suffice.
D is for Danger: There is danger literally everywhere. This is worse as a first time mum.
E is for Elocution: Kids may be able to talk but their pronunciation leaves much to be desired. Prepare for some hilarious moments (hopefully not in public). For my niece socks are co*ks apparently. Can anyone find another hilariously rude slant on this one? Or is it just me with a mind in the gutter?
F is for Farts: Call them what you will, they are ‘Botty Pops’ in our house, Kids find them hilarious, always. The louder the better, they have no sense of embarrassment.
G is for Grey: Parenthood bought with it the first of many grey hairs! Oh and eyebrows… fml.
H is for Hair Washing: Who knew such an innocuous part of washing could be such a drama?
I is for Imagination: Kids have the most vivid imagination. Sometimes, just to keep you on your toes, they will balance this with being the most literal people around.
J is for Jealousy: Kids seem to have a large amount of jealousy. Cuddles given to Hubby, Toddler needs cuddles too. Sibling has something, Toddler needs something too. They simply cannot bare to feel left out.
K is for Kisses: Give them lots and lots of kisses. They won’t let you for long and who doesn’t like to know they are loved?
L is for Love: One of the most amazing parts of being a parent is the love you feel and receive in return, it is absolutely indescribable.
M is for Mother: It doesn’t matter if you are a Mum or a Dad your own Mother will suddenly make so much more sense to you. Be prepared to apologise for your past indiscretions.
N is for Normal: Whatever you used to think was normal will be different as a parent. Accept it and embrace it the new normal.
O is for Organisation: Not everyone is naturally organised, if you aren’t then get organised. It will help no end.
P is for Poo: There is no greater expert in the types, colours and consistencies of poo than a parent.
Q is for Quiet: Say goodbye to the quiet. You will spend all day craving it and then when the little ones are in bed asleep you will miss them and their noise. Plus everyone who owns a toddler knows silence is dangerous not golden.
R is for Repetitive: Nothing can be done once. Everything you do or say that involves the toddler will be repeated over and over and over….
S is for Snot: Children just seem to have a constant stream of snot! Even in the summer!
T is for Tears: There will be lots and lots of tears, unfortunately it will probably be at a 50:50 ratio between yours and the childs.
U is for Ups: There are so many downs in parenthood, often due to lack of sleep and short fuses, it is important to appreciate and savour the ‘Ups’ when they come.
V is for Volume: Kids seem to need everything in large volume. Nappies, snacks, toys, clothes, you name it there will be lots of it!
W is for Waistline: Say goodbye to it! Mums and Dads! I’m not saying forever, of course if you put it a ridiculous amount of effort you can probably get close to a pre-child waistline. But don’t try too hard because even if you achieve it you will suddenly realise your arse has sagged 3 inches! (I speak from experience)
X is for Xylophone: Why on earth is this noisy toy available and aimed at toddlers? Seriously! Also if they drop the sodding thing on my foot one more time I’m going to find the person who made it and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
Y is for Yelling: You will do your best not to yell. Every fibre of your being will go into not yelling. At some point you will break and you will yell. It may not be at the child, it may not be at your partner, but you will yell. Chin up! Move on! It happens to the best of us.
Z is for Zzzzz’s of Sleep: Never again will you get into a decent deep sleep, it’s simply part of being a parent. You will sleep, but you will always sleep with one ear open.