Work is on my mind…

Today Pinky asked me why I don’t take her to and from nursery. Although I’m currently on maternity leave and more than capable of doing it, and although on a rare occasion I do pick her up if Hubby has a late meeting, when I go back to work I won’t be able to. I thought I was fine with this fact but trying to explain this to a two year old made me cry. Actually cry…. And I don’t easily cry. After Pinky I had the normal apprehensions about returning to work. This time, however, I was ok with it. It gave me the chance to use my brain and have some adult conversation, and after a short while I actually enjoyed working again. But now that it is looming closer I feel apprehensive about it. Ok it’s 3 months away but judging how quickly the last 3 months have gone it is looming!
I know it will be fine. The girls will be fine. It’ll be good for them even, Pinky has actually started asking to go to nursery more often because she enjoys it so much, and I have no worries about Perky starting.
The thing that really gets me down is that on my 2 work days I won’t see them at all. Working 7am until 7.30pm (not mentioning the amount of times I have to finish late) I’m gone before they wake and back after bedtime. Two days in a row. I am going to miss them more than words can describe. I thought I had come to terms with this but the problem is I don’t feel like I have had a choice in going back. I don’t actually want to go back, but nor do I want to be a stay at home mum for the rest of their lives. If I stop working now I cannot go back to nursing when they have both started school without doing another university course. I trained for 3 years for this job and I worked damn hard, I am not about to loose this qualification. I don’t believe that would set a very good example to my children either, but that’s just my opinion.
The more I think about it the more I realise nursing isn’t actually as great for mums as I previously thought. That’s not in the slightest why I trained but since falling pregnant with Pinky a lot of people told me I was lucky to work for the NHS as it was brilliant for mothers and flexible working. Ok so there are a large amount of job options, and some people will offer term time contracts which is brilliant and if you get one you cling to it for dear life! But there really are not that many opportunities to work school hours. I don’t need school hours at the moment but I will one day… What then? And yes I could work shorter hours now and finish in the afternoon and see the girls but then I have to work more days to make up the hours… More days is more childcare.
Anyway I’m just moaning now which isn’t constructive. I will go back and I will enjoy the job as much as I can when I don’t see my daughters. I will give it my all and I will be glad I did in a few years. I simply hadn’t realised how much I was dreading it until I had to explain it to Pinky.
Toddlers are so helpful.

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